Vacations are meant to be a time of rest, connection, and joy—but if your spouse struggles with problematic sexual behavior, even a tropical getaway can feel emotionally loaded. Triggers can be everywhere: bikinis, alcohol-fueled nightlife, unstructured time, and the fear that old patterns might resurface. It’s completely valid to feel both hopeful and anxious. Here’s how to prioritize your emotional safety while still enjoying your vacation.
1. Set Clear Boundaries Before You Go
Before the trip, have a candid conversation about what feels safe and what doesn’t. That might include avoiding certain areas (like bars or clubs), limiting screen time, or agreeing on shared schedules. One woman even asked her husband to leave his glasses in the hotel room. (He was far-sighted. No glasses beach- or pool-side gave him less chance of being pulled back into unhealthy choices.) Boundaries aren’t about control—they’re about protecting your peace.
2. Make a Plan for Triggers
Identify your personal triggers and how you’ll handle them if they show up. Asking yourself, “what am I afraid might happen?” prior to leaving can allow you to plan for specific worries. Bring a journal, download a calming meditation app, or plan daily check-ins with a therapist or trusted friend. Having a support system—even remotely—can help you stay grounded.
3. Don’t Abandon Self-Care
Vacations can throw routines out the window, but staying anchored in healthy habits helps. Plan your self-care moments prior to leaving for the trip. If you enjoy walking, schedule time and map out a possible route before getting to the destination. Prioritizing sleep, movement, alone time, and things that fill you up will keep you grounded and better able to handle triggers should they arise. Whether it’s a walk on the beach or a good book, carve out space for yourself.
4. Manage Expectations
You might hope for romance and reconnection—but instead if you’re constantly on edge, that’s okay. Heighten expectations are often a normal part of vacation time, and when you’ve been hurt, your expectations could go either way. No matter what, you’re allowed to protect your emotional space. Choose presence over perfection and don’t force intimacy if trust still needs rebuilding.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Speak Up
If something feels off, speak up. Your safety matters. You are not responsible for managing your partner’s recovery—but you are allowed to advocate for your own peace.
A vacation doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Stay centered, stay safe, and honor your needs above all.
Wish you had stronger skills in creating and implementing boundaries? Our brand new Boundaries: Discovering Values, Building Hope support group is now open for registration. Don’t miss a chance to find even deeper healing and safety. Find out more here.