Valentine’s Day. The very mention of it can feel like a cruel joke when you’ve been betrayed by someone you loved and trusted. The endless stream of romantic gestures, social media posts flaunting “perfect” relationships, and store shelves overflowing with symbols of love can feel like salt in an open wound.
As a woman who has experienced betrayal, this day stirs up a whirlwind of emotions. Pain. Anger. Loneliness. Even a sense of worthlessness. But let’s be clear: you are not defined by someone else’s betrayal. And you are certainly not alone in this journey of healing.
Betrayal shakes the very foundation of trust and love, leaving behind scars that take time to heal. When February 14th arrives, it can amplify emotions you’ve been working so hard to process. You might find yourself mourning the loss of what you thought was real, questioning your worth, or feeling like an outsider in a world that seems to celebrate love without acknowledging its painful complexities.
But while the hurt is real, so is your resilience. Instead of facing Valentine’s day with a defensive mindset, go on the offense!
Taking Valentine’s Day Back
- You Can Go and Love Yourself – This day doesn’t have to be about someone else’s love for you—it can be about the love you give yourself. You are worthy of love and care and can fulfill those truths without someone else’s actions. If you have to (or choose to) celebrate alone, what would you do that day to remind yourself of how valuable you are? Maybe it looks like buying and arranging your favorite flowers, indulging in a spa day, cooking your favorite meal, planning an outing with friends, or taking a long walk. How about writing a love letter reminding yourself of all the reasons you are worthy, beautiful, and strong? No matter what you choose, make a plan ahead of time. Follow through and don’t let the day take your power.
- Vocalize Your Expectations – Maybe you will (and want to) spend the holiday with your partner. Even though you are both choosing to work through the betrayal, it’s a great idea to share your expectations about the holiday ahead of time. For your peace of mind, the celebration might need to differ from past Valentine’s Days. Planning promotes empowerment, ushers peace of mind, and prepares your heart to face an otherwise difficult day. Here are some questions to get you started thinking about how you want to spend the day.
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- Do you want to acknowledge the holiday simply/elaborately or ignore it altogether?
- If you want to acknowledge it, how would you like to do it? Be specific.
- Will you purchase a card or gift for your partner? Do you want one from him?
- What level of intimacy would you like to share: no physical contact, affectionate contact, sexual intimacy?
- What type of activity would you like to share: movie, dinner, a walk, a game night?
Take some time in the next 24 hours to plan your Valentine’s day celebration or un-celebration. And stay tuned for part 2 of “Playing Offense on Valentine’s Day.”