I Am Becoming

Butterfly emerging from cocoon

The following Her Voice post was shared by a HILL Group participant:

Recently in group, we were asked, “If our life was a book, what chapter are we in?”

Here’s how I replied after mulling it over a few days.

I’m not sure which chapter I’m in.  I just know that I’m in a new section. I am rediscovering myself/becoming a new me.  As I have thought more about it, I think the section would be titled, “Wherein I Am Becoming.” 

Caterpillar to Cocoon

The Lord gave me an image of a caterpillar during metamorphosis. That growing caterpillar, that has been blissfully eating through leaf after leaf, suddenly hanging upside down and hidden away.

I resonate with that. My life turned upside down, and I have felt overlooked, unseen.

The caterpillar is then reduced to a soupy concoction that literally eats away at itself.

The person I used to be, and all the memories from before have been absorbed right up in the reality that my life is not what I thought or knew.

Butterfly emerging from cocoon

Once all the unnecessary parts have disintegrated, and only the original cells necessary for further growth remain, the soupy substance full of the correct proteins is what fuels the development of those cells.

My false hopes, my perceived reality, denial, my comfort in dysfunction, etc., is stripped away. And a deeper relationship with the Lord, a stronger faith, and new levels of surrender and trust, are developing.

So. While I still feel mostly like a soupy mess, I am being reconstructed. While I do not yet have my wings, and some days I may have thoughts of wanting to go back to being blissfully unaware, I have a new found peace within the wrestle; a gentle permission and encouragement to just ‘be and become’.

Here are some other truths my heart is resting in:

I often feel overlooked, but I know I’m covered with His feathers, and have shelter under His wings. (Psalm 91)   No better place to be!

I feel the sting of being deconstructed- and yet, the One who knit me together in the womb is in charge of this entire process.
(Psalm 139)

Photos courtesy:  Bankim Desai via Unsplash

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