Betrayal. It’s a word often associated with Judas and 30 pieces of silver. His betrayal echoes in the history books and in the millions of lives changed by the transaction involving those 30 pieces of silver. Judas was a betrayer, but during the dark days of Jesus’ crucifixion and after, the disciples might have also felt betrayed by Jesus. Scandalous, you might say, but the disciples were human, and even though we know Jesus doesn’t remotely fit that description, there had to be moments where the disciples, some more than others, felt betrayed by the man to whom they’d devoted three years of their lives.
A Disciple Betrayed
Peter was one of the first disciples called and lived a life devoted to Jesus, there at every turn, following with both heart (Matt. 16:18,19) and strength (John 18:10). Yet, the man Peter had placed all his hopes and trust in was suddenly taken and crucified like a criminal. This was not what he had signed up for, nor chose to accept even when Jesus shared it would happen (Matt. 16:21-23). Peter’s own actions of betrayal, the ones Jesus predicted, were a powerful indicator of his internal conflict about the sudden change of life plans.
Peter’s life had become defined around the idea that Jesus would save the Jews from their oppressors. In his earthly thinking, this meant prominence among the Jewish leaders and maybe even a throne ruling over Jerusalem again. Even other disciples, James and John, wanted to share in that kingdom by asking for seats next to Jesus. They all expected greatness in the literal sense.
Nothing about the events that took place – Jesus’s trial, conviction, and crucifixion – fit the disciples’ expectations. They watched, often from afar, while their leader was falsely accused and executed. They had to be asking themselves why Jesus didn’t fight back, didn’t stop it all, didn’t perform some sort of miracle and rise to the position they thought God had sent him to claim. Then suddenly Jesus was gone.
In those dark moments, what betrayal the disciples must have felt. Did they wonder if Jesus used them for his own ends? Did they question and ruminate over every sermon he preached? Did they despair about how they’d wasted their last three years – all the things they had given up for their time with Jesus?
The Redefining
Honestly, we can’t know for sure what they were thinking. But as a fellow human being, I know I might have been struggling with the same questions had I walked with Jesus. So much of how they defined their lives hinged on the fact that Jesus would be their Savior. He was their Savior, but by a different definition.
That’s why Jesus came, to redefine our lives, and in ways we do not expect. I’m not speaking of the surface parts of life – our family, occupations, hobbies, and friends, but of the deeper parts of who we are, our pains, dashed dreams, medical diagnosis, identity struggles, and broken relationships. No matter the suffering, he can take it and redefine us in the most powerful of ways (Isaiah 61:3).
Peter allowed Christ to take his suffering and redefine his life. Post-resurrection, Peter becomes a powerful preacher (Acts 2:14), sharing the first sermon that propelled the New Testament church into existence. All the pain, and even the betrayal he might have felt, became a catalyst for this new chapter in life.
When Jesus died, Peter thought he was surrendering to the death of hope, purpose, and dreams, but what he eventually surrender to was the possibility of good – of all that God can and will do with pain. Thousands of years of beauty came out of Peter’s loss, hurt, and questioning, yet for a time, he could only see it in light of the life he had defined for himself.
As a betrayed partner, we heal by allowing Jesus the opportunity to redefine our pain. Like Peter, we can surrender hopelessly to the death of all that we’ve known, or we can surrender to the possibility that God can bring hope, light, and purpose in new ways – in a way that redesigns the life we once knew. This is a life redefined: exchanging ashes for beauty. He won’t fail to make it happen if we will only give it to Him.
Traveling in Hope,
