Full Therapeutic Disclosures: Making Known the Unknown

Healing from betrayal is a deeply personal and complex journey. The stages of full therapeutic disclosure provide a structured approach to navigating the pain and moving toward rebuilding trust. Below are the four stages of this process, which aim to bring clarity, understanding, and emotional healing to both partners.

Stage 1: Disclosure

In this initial stage, the betraying partner reveals the full extent of their actions. This can be a difficult moment for both partners, but it is a necessary one to create a foundation of transparency. The disclosure focuses on the facts—the “what, when, where, and who” of the betrayal. While it may feel overwhelming, this stage marks the beginning of honest communication, an important first step toward healing. Disclosures may also include a polygraph test to assure the betrayed partner that the full truth was shared during the disclosure. Some partners elect to do this before or after the formal disclosure.

Stage 2: Clarification

After the disclosure, the betrayed partner is given the opportunity to ask clarifying questions about the information shared. It’s common to feel confused or need more details for understanding, which is why preparing a list of questions beforehand can be helpful. You coach or therapist will guide the betrayed partner through this process, helping you clarify the types of questions that are important for you specifically. This ensures that nothing is overlooked and allows the betrayed partner to gain the clarity needed to process the reality of what happened. The goal is to create a space where all questions can be addressed with honesty and care.

Stage 3: Letter of Impact

During this stage, the betrayed partner writes a letter to express how the betrayal has affected them, both emotionally and mentally. This is often a deeply moving process, allowing the betrayed partner to put words to their pain and articulate the ongoing impact of the betrayal. Vicki Tidwell Palmer describes this letter as a way to communicate both the harm caused and any necessary boundaries moving forward. It’s an essential part of reclaiming emotional safety and personal agency.

Stage 4: Letter of Restitution

In this final stage, the betraying partner writes a letter in response, taking full responsibility for the pain they’ve caused. This letter goes beyond apologies; it reflects a deep understanding of the hurt experienced by the betrayed partner.  Again, this letter is written in collaboration with the betraying spouse’s coach or therapist. When done with genuine empathy and accountability, this letter can open the door to healing for both partners. For the betrayed partner, it can be incredibly validating to hear their pain acknowledged, marking a significant step in the journey of reconciliation.

Each of these stages serves a purpose in the healing process. While they may feel difficult at times, the goal is to create an environment of safety, truth, and mutual understanding. Healing is not linear, but this structured process can offer hope and direction as both partners work toward a future of trust and connection.